Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Dear Cord Bank Registry--

I have unsubscribed from your emails MANY times.  Yet for some reason, I keep getting them, as well as flyers in the mail.  When I say UNSUBSCRIBE, I MEAN IT.

Seriously.  Like salt in my wounds.  And today you send me a SURVEY?  Eff you.  I hope the part where I talk about trying to unsubscribe many times because I delivered our son stillborn gets back to SOMEONE at your company.


Also, to the lady at Old Navy, who felt the need to comment with "Oh, fun--all things for YOU!" when I checked out?  I know you meant well. But I would much rather have been using my 40% off coupon today buying clothes for my 1-month old son.  Instead, I'm participating in some effing retail therapy in a store filled with seemingly ALL stay-at-home-moms trying to avoid the baby and maternity sections at all costs.  Probably not what you'd call FUN.

I think maybe the Anger stage of grief is kicking in today.  


  1. It's frustrating enough trying to get off email and mailing lists for things we don't want in general. But this is hurtful. Unintentional, but wounding anyway. :(

    As for the Old Navy salesperson, I guess it's one of the first of many experiences you'll have with people who don't realize that what they're saying could be hurtful, even if they did have good intentions. It totally sucks and I hate that anyone has to be on the receiving end of that at all, and I hate that you're one of them.

    I'm really really glad you made a place like this to come to though - to vent your feelings, to say the things you won't say out loud, etc.

    ( ) <-- that is supposed to be a hug. Through the internet. :)

    1. I like your internet hugs, Gena :)

      I was signed up for so many email lists...and I really thought I did a good job getting unsubscribed from things. But it's hard too. Like, a few of them, you have to literally get rid of the kid that you were expecting. Deleting Luke off them feels like...getting rid of him. Why can't they just stop sending me emails? And the CBR? I was already trying to unsubscribe from them anyway. Before this happened. Seriously. Hurtful. And none of them have unsubscribe options that say "I lost my baby". Really?

      I still couldn't delete him off my Amazon Mom account. And I don't want to. So I'll just keep getting those emails, I suppose. At least they have other stuff...

      The girl at Old Navy...I know she meant well. And I'm just gonna have to get good at ignoring comments like that. I think that was legitimately my first one from a total stranger, and it really caught me off guard.


      And you're totally right about the

  2. Jen,
    I've also been struggling with the anger phase. I remember, about 2 weeks in, I was so angry, at everything. I still have a mark on the bedroom wall from where I threw a sharpie.
    Now I am numb, which I think should be a phase of grief as well.
    I know it's hard. I still yell at the TV when they show commericals or have talk show guests with happy healthy moms, both of which I am not.
    I'm remembering Luke everyday, sometimes in the same breath as when I remember Mia.
    Sending love your way, hugs

  3. Oh Emily. Are we like, the same person? Seriously. I'm so glad we found each other.

    I've been in and out of numb for the past couple weeks. Until Sunday. I'm not sure if my hormones kicked in or what, but it was a terrible day. I couldn't stop crying. There were times last week where I found myself feeling numb to everything, then that kicked in, and I was just...screwed up.

    I think of Mia a lot too. Maybe they're napping together in another place ♥ I hope they are.