Sunday, October 21, 2012


Today, I had to call 6pm to return some shoes that I'd ordered online.  Of course, I had to call them because when I tried to file the return on their website, for some reason, my account was down.  The woman on the phone today had never seen this "in her entire career" there, so of course, there was that.

So I'm reading off my order information to her.  First I give her my email address.  Fakeplasticlove at gmail dot com.  She tells me she loves it.  That it's totally one-of-a-kind.  I agree with her and say thanks.  Then she asks what nationality my last name is.  I tell her that my husband is half Japanese, but I'm actually mostly German. 

And then there it was.  "Do you guys have kids!? Mixed ethnicity kids are so gorgeous!"

I had actually thought about how I'd answer that question before.  It was maybe sometime last week.  And I'd told myself that I wanted to answer YES to that question...because we DID have a child.  Luke was real.

But I...lost my strength to care and go through making the conversation awkward.  And I told her "No, we don't."

She then apologized because I probably sounded like I got hit by a truck when I answered.  She said she was sorry if that was too much questioning.

The truth is, Luke was beautiful.  She was right.  I just wish we got to see his beauty grow up. 

I'm not angry like I was the other day.  Today, that mostly just made me really sad.


  1. It's okay to pick and choose who you talk to about Luke. I would've done the same thing as you in this situation. But you're right--Luke was beautiful, and he was yours, and it's a shame the world never got to properly know him. xoxoxo