Saturday, November 3, 2012

Last few days of #captureyourgrief

The last week of October turned out to be kinda rough for me.  I really wasn't in the mood to finish doing this, but I wanted to finish the challenge eventually, so here we go...

Day 26: Their Age

I took this picture of my cankles the day before we went to the hospital.  Luke was born and died at exactly 39 weeks gestation on September 10, 2012.  It seemed impossible--if we made it that far, that we could have lost him. 

Day 27: Artwork

Pretty early after we found out we were having a boy, Jeff and I agreed to do Luke's room in a Star Wars theme. One of the first few things we bought was a Wampa rug off of, and just a week before we lost him, we'd finally gotten these prints hung up that we had found on Etsy. I'm in love with them, and I wish he could see them.

Day 28: A Memory

There are so many memories I have, this being my first pregnancy. I can almost replay the entire thing back in my head--nearly week by week. I hope I never forget these memories, because playing them back in my head is all I have of Luke.

At about 18 weeks, we found out we were having a boy on a Wednesday, and then the next day, we went to Coachella, AND celebrated Jeff's birthday that weekend. There was so much to be excited about then. Jeff was so excited we were having a boy, and we talked about the possibility of someday bringing him to his first Coachella with us. We got him his first concert tee that weekend, too. So much to look forward to.

Day 29: Music

Pearl Jam's Light Years pretty much sums up the way I feel about losing Luke. I can't even think of one that's by any other artist that hits it on the head as well, and...well, it's fitting. We had they lyrics printed in the program for Luke's service, and to this day, I still haven't found a more personally-fitting song that we could have used.

Day 30: Your Grief – Tell The World

I don't want to be here feeling this. It's the last thing that was supposed to happen to me in MY LIFE. Nothing can prepare you for these feelings, but the one thing that we have going for us is knowing that so many of you care...and were/are there for us when we need/ed you. I know I'm a strong person, but this has shaken me to my core, and without your love and support...I don't know what this would be like. And I don't want to.

Day 31: Sunset

I kind of cheated and didn't take a picture on October 31...It was a bad week for me, and I was actually at my acupuncturist's office as the sun went down anyway...So I took this picture earlier this month--when we headed to Solvang/Santa Barbara to get away from everything. I've neglected my photography skills for a year or so now, and I decided to try to get some sunset pics on a sunset sailing cruise we took through the Santa Barbara harbor. It was a gorgeous sunset, and I could feel Luke shining down on us the whole time...I somehow managed to perfectly catch the sun setting inbetween the sails on this sail boat. I love this picture. It's beautiful and peaceful. Now if only I could find that within myself.


  1. You ARE beautiful and I know you will find peace with time. *HUGS*

  2. I think that this was beautifully written. So sorry for the loss of your Luke. I love your Star Wars nursery art. My hubby is a huge Star Wars nerd. I'm your newest follower and happy to have found you as I'm always looking for other grieving moms who blog. Big hugs!