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Saturday, November 10, 2012

2 Months Without You

Today is your 2-month birthday, Luke.

I can't believe it's been 2-months since we lost you.

Things seem less debilitating today than they did a month ago. I miss you so much, though. I wish I could be posting a picture of you in a cute onesie with a big "2 Months" on it today. It would be big, too, cause you'd definitely be a big guy by now.

Today I'm finding that the tears come a little bit slower than they did just a month ago. But they don't hurt me inside any less. Trying to get used to the idea that I'm still your Mom, just without you? That's still the hardest part to comprehend. Sometimes I still feel like we're just waiting for you to make your appearance. That you'll show up soon. But then reality comes back around, and I go into your empty room and see everything that's still waiting for you. That's our reality. We'll always be waiting for you.

That hole in my heart will always be there for you.

But the one thing I'm thankful for most right now, is that somehow, I feel you're sending me strength to get through this. I've somehow avoided crumbling into pieces after losing you (at least so far). Part of me feels guilty that I'm not.

But then another part of me is proud that you gave that to me--You gave me that strength. And that makes you the best son in the world right now.

2 comments:

  1. Jen,
    I was going to actually send you an email this morning, but things got a little crazy.
    I remembered him today. I thought of you, hoping you were doing ok. Forever, we are bound together by this day, and the horrible things that happened on the 10th.
    I agree, while tears come less these days I still miss Mia with everything I have... I don't know how to be her mom without her.
    Love to you

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    1. I thought of you guys too, Emily. At least we know that forever, we have each other to think about each other's loss :) Even if no one else does. Love to you, too ♥

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