Tuesday, January 29, 2013


I did it.

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo for what seems like forever. I'm not really one to take these things lightly, though. I REALLY felt like I needed to be POSITIVE about putting something so permanent onto my body forever--It had to be something that meant the world to me. I used to want to get something Ryan Adams related...maybe the rose he uses all the time? It'd be something any fan would get.

That all seems so trivial now?

But when all this happened, I knew exactly that my first tattoo would be for you, Luke. I just had to figure out what to do. But that came to me pretty easily too. The quilt that I had made for you--with chibi Star Wars characters--seemed obvious to me. A baby Luke Skywalker.

Last weekend, I met with a local tattoo artist, and I got good vibes from him. He said he'd draw it up for me, and if I wanted, we could get it done that Wednesday. I left him my ideas, and spent the next 4 days anticipating what it would look like when he gave me that drawing. I got there on Wednesday night, and he handed it to me--It was EXACTLY what I pictured. To a T. So it was time. I sat down in the chair, and got ready for what I figured would be a LOT of pain? Turns out, no. Not at all. I don't know if that's because I've probably lived through the worst pain possible, but honestly, getting a tattoo is no big deal. I was borderline shocked at how simple it was. Mostly, I was nervous about how it would come out to look ON me. I decided to have it done on my right chest, above my heart. When Josh finished it up, and I went to look at it in the mirror, my eyes welled up.

It was perfect.

Now you'll be with me--forever, as much as possible. Just looking down at it there makes me happy. It's every bit adorable as I know you'd be.

For some bizarre reason, it's almost a relief that I have this done. Like somehow I wasn't complete without it? I don't even know how that makes sense, but it does to me right now.

Healing. I think that's kind of what this is.


  1. hey Jen,
    Sorry this is kind of delayed, I've been hiding from the baby loss world recently. But know I am always thinking of you and Luke. your tattoo is beautiful. I wish I were that brave (I hate needles!)
    Love, Em

  2. Beautiful. I want to get one of my twin daughter's footprints side by side, just as they should be... if only they weren't taken away from me far too soon.