Monday, December 10, 2012

Three Months

Today would be your three month birthday, Luke. You'd be a quarter of a year old today.

Today was your pretty typical Monday for us. We got up and went to work all day. I went to the gym after work, came home, and made us chicken curry for dinner. Right now we're watching Home Alone.

I would've skipped the gym, for sure, if you'd been here.

Yesterday we took our family bassinet back to Grandma and Grandpa's house. It's out of our bedroom now. I wish you could've had the chance to sleep in it--even just one night. Tonight we're also putting away your coming-home outfit that's been sitting out for you on your changing pad. I suppose wherever you are, you probably don't need clothes.

It's getting harder for me lately to be out and about. Seeing everyone with their children for the holidays...hurts. Our house is decorated for Christmas. The tree is up and decorated. But you should be here. We should have taken you to our first visit to the Christmas tree farm. Maybe had your picture taken with Santa somewhere. Maybe I'd actually have gotten any Christmas shopping done by now. I don't know.

We miss you, Luke. A lot. So many people wish you were here. If impossible things were possible, my only wish on Christmas, forever, would be to have you here with us. Your ornament is hanging at the top of our tree. I wish it was a baby's first Christmas ornament--and not an in-memory ornament.

I've held up pretty well today, and I'm proud of myself. But that doesn't mean I love you any less. I love you with everything I am, Luke. Everything. And I'll always be missing you. Till hopefully we meet again someday.


  1. Hugs, mama! Thinking of you and Luke today...

    1. ♥, Em. You and Mia have been on my mind today...

  2. Blast from the past for you I know, but I came to your blog to see how you felt at 3 months. Today marks 3 months for Lydie. And you also noted the 3 month mark (a trimester!) without Luke. It feels like a heavy one for me. As usual, hugs.