Last night was the first night since you were born that I haven't spontaneously been awake at 5:23 am--the exact minute you were born. Every day before today, I've woken up for no reason. It's impossible for me to wake up at ANY given time, usually. But you did something to me. It's like your daily reminder--that you're still here, somehow. The first few days, I woke up, looked at the clock, and started bawling. It's gotten easier. The night before last, I woke up, looked at the clock, and just kissed Daddy on the shoulder and went back to sleep.
I miss you. I should have been waking up in the middle of the night to feed you--not to cry at the remembrance of you.
But I already feel like you're fading away from me. And in a way, that's the last thing I want.