Capture Your Grief--Day 11--Emotional Triggers

For me, triggers are something that are ever-changing. In the first days and weeks after we lost Luke, I couldn't bear to go out. There was one time I remember specifically when Jeff and I were out having breakfast together. And there was a Mom with her new baby--probably about the same age he would have been. In the same stroller and car seat that we had...living in the closet. 

I had a small meltdown. Eating breakfast. 

There was going into Target and walking by the baby aisle that first time. 

And the numerous pregnancy and birth announcements that always seemed like a slap in the face...

There's always something. And the emotions are always changing. I don't feel the same as I did in those early days. And obviously, now I'm the one walkjng around pregnant, causing other baby-loss Moms meltdowns. If only they knew. 

Lately, I feel like it's the little boys that I see around who are the same age Luke would be now. The sting of imagining what he would be like today will always be there. It will always haunt me. I don't see how they will ever get easier to look at. 

But thank goodness these emotions are always changing. Because if everything stayed the way it was, I have no idea how I'd get through this.