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Thursday, March 10, 2016

March 10.

I wrote this on March 10. This month has been crazy and trying and so so hard, but I'm finally getting around to posting this. 

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First things first. 

Last Friday, we welcomed Lainey Ruth to the family. 

Today was supposed to be the day--her big brother's would-be 3.5 year birthday, but she had other plans for us too. At this time last week, I had no idea that would be the last night I was pregnant. 

Friday morning, we had our NST and fluid check at the hospital. We've had a few NSTs that didn't go as easily as I'd hoped. So Friday morning, we got there, and hopped straight into the fluid check ultrasound. So far, fluid had always been alright. But I could tell right away that Patty didn't like something she saw. I could see there didn't seem to be many pockets around where baby was. The good thing was that I could still feel her moving. Thank. God. But fluids had dropped from about a 12 the week before to about a 4 that day. They'd dropped a lot, and I had no idea why. 

Patty went to check with the doc, came back in, and said, "well, looks like you're having this baby today!" They didn't see any reason to let my fluid drop any further, especially considering the c-section was scheduled for that week anyway. 

I'd eaten breakfast that morning, and that bought us about 6 hours to go and get as ready as possible. Considering I hadn't packed a single thing for the hospital, that was one thing I was thankful for. 

We ran home, called family to let them know what was going on, and packed for ourselves and Lena (who was staying with Nana and Gropa while we were in the hospital). Then at 3:30, we headed back to the hospital. I cried when we left Lena. She wasn't going to be alone anymore. She was finally going to have a sibling. Here. With us. 

Getting there was a relief. I was so relieved to not have to worry about movement anymore. Not have to stress about the NSTs. This was it. The last hours of being pregnant. Forever. I think that was the one emotional thing that hit me the hardest. I was happy...but so so sad. This was really it. And I hadn't really mentally prepared for it to happen on that exact day. 

I realize I sound crazy, saying I wasn't ready at 38 weeks and 1 day. But both Luke and Lena were born at exactly 39 weeks, and this one was supposed to be that way too. So in my head, it would obviously happen. And it didn't. 

But again, relief was coming. And quicker than I thought it would. 

They hooked me up to the monitors, and apparently I was already having contractions 4 minutes apart? Nothing painful, but at that moment, I was so glad about Patty's call to send us in that night. I might've gone into labor at any moment that weekend, and with my high pain tolerance, who knows when I would've made it to the hospital. And who knows what might've happened if my fluid levels got lower and were unmonitored. At that point, I was so glad to be there. 

Everyone there was awesome. It wasn't busy in L&D that night, so everyone was amazing. At 5:30, it was time. I walked to the OR first, got my spinal from the same anesthesiologist who was there with Luke and Lena, and we rolled from there. Jeff came in before I knew it, and they'd started. 

Jeff told me when they were about to pull her out, and the first thing I heard was crying. Sweet, sweet noisy baby cries. That moment was bittersweet with Lena and it was still bittersweet this time, knowing what the flip side of that scenario is all too well. 

And then the best part was that not only did I get to see her, but I got to have her do skin-to-skin in the OR. I felt her heart beating. She was moving and reacting to being born! It was perfect. 

She was a perfect 9 pounds, 21.5 inches. My last baby. 

We got wheeled back to recovery altogether, and everything was a blur. She nursed like a champ off the bat, and all the testing was fine. And I couldn't believe that was it. I was done. We have our girls and we have Luke in our hearts. I wish it felt more complete, but I know this is it. And we'll never really feel complete. 

It was in recovery that we settled on her name. We kept with the Ls. And she has my mom's middle name. 

I'm not sure when it will all settle in...that this is our family now. That we've moved on to the next phase of our lives...but I'm so so relieved that we made it here this time without anymore heartache.